You deserve the truth

I’ve been avoiding this for a while. Part of me thought if I didn’t acknowledge this, it would just vanish. Another part of me thought I could force myself. Another part of me figured no one cared.

But some of you do care.

I mentioned previously that I had gone through something a few months ago that shook me up. While I am still not divulging the details of that event, I find myself still dealing with some of the effects.

One of which is my inability to focus on my fiction writing and, consequently, my blog.

I don’t know if it’s because of the subject matter I was writing at the time this event happened. Perhaps it hit a little too close to home. I don’t know if it’s some weird form of guilt I can’t identify. Frankly, I’m tired of trying to figure out the why. It makes the writing even more difficult.

The good news is I haven’t entirely stopped writing. I just can’t seem to get back to the pace I was at before as quickly as I would like. I have my days where I’m okay with that and other days when it makes me feel like a fraud.

Let’s face it. I was never going to be one of those people who can crank out multiple books a year, anyway. I had hoped, though, to release one book per year. Sadly, I will not have a 2019 release. The more I think about it, the more I am okay with this.

One thing that has always mattered very much to me is authenticity. Integrity. Saying I’m back full force and then disappearing again makes me feel like scum.

Many of my friends have been outrageously supportive of me during this time. A few have boldly said they think I am making a mountain out of a molehill. That’s okay, everyone is entitled to their opinion.

So, in the spirit of integrity, I feel like I must tell you I don’t know what you should expect from me for a little while. I went from keeping a rigid blogging schedule to, well, stale pretty quickly.

Writing is still my passion and joy, and I am currently pursuing some non-fiction endeavors using my given name. I had no idea how much I would enjoy this particular type of writing until it was the only steady writing on my horizon.

I don’t have any plans whatsoever of ditching Aila Stephens. I’ll still be around, mostly on Twitter. I’ll still blog from time to time, I just can’t keep a schedule.

And before I get the polite messages telling me that if I want writing to be my career, then I have to muster through and fake it til I make it…I get it. And I thank you in advance for your advice. I know for many of you it comes from a heartfelt and genuine place.

To my readers: Thank you so much for supporting me by buying and reviewing my books. It means the world to me, and I do read the kind things you’ve had to say about my work. I’ve been asked if I still intend to finish The Harlot of Blue Ridge. The answer is yes. I still love that story and the characters very much and I believe those who were fans of my previous work will too.

I just don’t want to inadvertently give false hope anymore by setting a deadline I know in my heart I cannot meet, or setting a blogging schedule that I can’t abide by.

My overall nonfiction project is still in its infancy. My true desire is after I have reached a point where I’m maintaining/growing it more than I am fiddling with the building blocks, I will have totally come out of the funk I’ve been in the last three months and I can successfully split my time between fiction and nonfiction.

Thank you all ever so much. You’re amazing and I hope you haven’t given up on me entirely. ♥

 

 

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